A THING by A.J. MAITLAND

Recipe for Devil’s Porridge (Single Serving)

Ingredients:

• Oatmeal (Steel-cut, rolled)

• Water

• Hot sauce

● First, mix a ¼ cup of oatmeal with 4 tablespoons of water in a skillet over medium heat until the oats are soft.

● You may also use a microwave. For this method, cook oats and water for a minute to a minute and a half on full power.

● Next, add desired amount of hot sauce. Stir.

● Lastly, email porn to the church directory.

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A.J. Maitland has been published at Dark Entries Journal, State of Matter, Roi Faineant Press, Hungry Shadows Press, Partially Shy, anthologies, and elsewhere. He has work forthcoming at A Thin Slice of Anxiety. He enjoys old taverns, libraries, fist-pumping matches with Existence, and horror flicks. You may chortle, scream, or sob on the ol' socials @thebiggiggle3 (linktr.ee/thebiggiggle3).