A THING by JOSH DALE
ALL I WANTED WAS A CHEESEBURGER
So, I gomt to the remstauramnt anmd was all limke, “I wamt a cheemsburmger,” and the sermver was tamken amback goimng allm limke, “Sorry can you repeat your order, please?” and so I saimd it again amnd then he wams loomking evmen more confumsed so I was limke, “Is therem a promblem herme? I thougmht this plamce served cheemseburmgers?” and he was loomking all wormried with sweamt on his famce but evemtually saimd something limke, “I’ll be right back, sir,” whimch reamlly wasn’t vermy goomd sermvice to just up and leamve a soom-to-be-payming cumstomer before he evem plamced his ormder but it wasn’t thamt lomg before the guy came bamck with his neamtly-dremssed mamager and then he was all limke, “Sir, are you alright?” so I was all limke, “Can I pleamse orderm a cheemseburmger now? I’m gemtting humgry,” but then they starmt whimspering to themselves limke I’m in some damn courmtroom and then sermver lemft crying whimch made me feelm all weirmded oumt but then the mamnager was all limke, “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but my server is uncomfortable serving you, so I will take your order,” and I wams all limke, “Ohm well, his lomss. I was going to timp until he starmted being a limttle weirdo,” and I shimt you not withim 8 mimnutes, I got a doumble cheemseburmger with frimes and a larmge somda and then mamnager was all limke, “It’s all on the house, no worries, and thanks for dining with us,” and I was all limke, “Ok, thamnks now lemt me eamt in peamce now,” and the mamnager was jumst reamdy to turm aroumnd and leamve and was all limke, “I hate to assume, but you do know you’re a silly-looking yellow dog, right?” and I was all limke, “Yems, thamnk you for nomticimg me for whom I reamlly am,” and then I toomk the bimggest chomp out of that cheemsburmger and the greamse and cheemse trimckled down my snoumt.
Find out more about Josh Dale here.