A POEM by SEBASTIAN SEAGULL
Worst pet ever
I named her Gizmo, like the gremlin
Not because of an aversion to water, or being fed after midnight
But because of her face
Her beady black eyes and scrunchy nose
She was the worst pet ever
I was the one who loathed the water, the crumbs floating like jetsam
The weird film at the bottom of her bowl, a ceramic cesspool that I had to scrub and scrub
My dishcloth coated
Whatever the hell was stuck to her bowl now stuck to my rag
I had to throw it out
Her shits were huge considering her stature, and they stunk
Like a manure pile set ablaze, and then dumped into the living room
By one of those tilting truck beds
Driven by a fuzzy faced maniac with opaque globes for eyes
I was embarrassed by the odour
Caresses were met with hisses, a stop drop and roll into an irate death ball
My pincushion fingers grew callouses, thick skin to protect me from the rage that touch provoked
But she would find ways
Feign innocent and docile until she sensed unarmored flesh
She literally stabbed me
Her wheel was caked in a kind of goo, an ectoplasm left over from some dark ritual
It squealed and moaned in the night, fearful of the strange entertainment it provided her
Hour upon hour
A plaything turned perverse and sinister
I couldn’t save it
She was long lived for her species, six years old when I found her
Laying in the sack bed that I had crafted with love, another deadpan irony
It’s crazy what we’ll tolerate
To feel like we're needed for twenty minutes a night
I kind of miss that.
Sebastian Seagull is a writer and musician based in the Edmonton, Alberta area. He is currently working on his first novel. His music is available at sebastianseagull.bandcamp.com/releases.